Gravity

In life, you have good days and bad days, cancer or no cancer. And that’s helpful to remember, because you don’t want cancer to take over everything. Contain it to the body.

Just because it’s over 90 degrees outside, don’t get bummed about the cancer. It was going to be 90 degrees anyway. Watch out for that slippery slope. When you catch yourself starting down, you have to stop, think “I’m not getting sucked into this!” and let the sled go down without you. It gets easier over time.

There’s a concept I learned about in a Culture Shaping course: Gravity. The idea is gravity is in force on earth no matter what. There is absolutely nothing you can do about it. The key is to recognize it and say to yourself, “That’s just gravity” and move on. Don’t spend any energy on it.

I have lymphedema, from my fingers to my shoulder on my left arm, which also happens to be my dominant hand. This was the major bummer from cancer #3. For me, it was actually worse than the double mastectomy. I spent more than a year being angry – how could I have prevented it (if they knew, we wouldn’t have it), why do I have to wear compression garments 24x7, these stupid tops don’t fit right…

When I told my friend Debbie that the worst part was I couldn’t wear my wedding rings anymore, she said, “Why don’t you just wear them on your right hand?” Duh? I don’t think that would have even dawned on me because I was so preoccupied with something that was a perfect example of gravity.

The interesting thing is we get to choose. You can either sulk about the glass being half empty or appreciate that the glass is still half full. Believe me; everyone around you will hope you pick option 2. It’s another manifestation of the “Y-me” rabbit hole.

My husband and I were out at a well-known Italian restaurant and after looking around the room he said, “Look at those people over there. There arms are much bigger than yours. They don’t have lymphedema. And they’re having a great time.” I had to laugh. They had really big arms! And they were enjoying themselves big time.

So at the end of the day, what’s the big deal?

Maybe one of the biggest issues facing people with cancer is the hair loss. I went bald three out of the four times, this time my hair only thinned on the methotrexate. So far. My thinking was if the hair goes, that means the chemo is working! Everyone told me it would come back so losing it was a good thing. The worst moment I think is when it falls out. I woke up every morning with lots of strands on the pillow and it creeped me out.

My solution was to cut it all off. This was my first experience with cancer and I defaulted to what I always do for a haircut: I went to my hairdresser. Now two weeks before my diagnosis Ron gave me a permanent in prep for my upcoming vacation in France. On my way to see him, baseball cap smashed over my curls (for which I paid a lot of money!), I thought let’s keep it light so he doesn’t feel sorry for me. (That’s almost more sickening that the chemo.)

I walked in and said, “Let’s go somewhere we can talk.” He took me in the back and I whipped off the hat. “What the hell did you use in that permanent?” I said as I pulled out chunks of hair with both hands, like they did with Larry on The Three Stooges.

Ron was so professional. His eyes popped out and he stammered, “It was the same thing I always use on you. Are you taking any medications?”  “Yes! It must be the chemo!” His jaw dropped and I said, “Fabulous response, Ron. Now let’s get the rest of this hair off.” We laughed about that for years. Humor helps everyone chill out and takes the awkwardness away.

For future cancers I enlisted my friend Marty who has years of experience cutting his own and his two sons’ hair and all the right equipment. And – it was free. Who cares about the crew cut? It’s all coming off soon anyway and another bonding opportunity.

Hair loss is gravity. It’s only for a point in time. And if it’s styling you’re worried about, it gives you carte blanche to experiment with wigs, hats and scarves. Or just go commando. Once the hair came back, my friend Ed asked me, “What are you going to do now with your PhD in scarf origami?” Little did we know at the time how well my skills would serve me for future cancers – another glass half full.

They’re all over the place. If you don’t let gravity get in the way.